Wallflower
You arrive late for the first annual NAUGHTY-ASHBLF party-a-go-go. The floor is full of couples. You see Koala dancing with Giles, Irish dancing with PFTD-Rupert, LadyAnn lambada-ing with Ripper, Meawan tango with Adam and Oliver twirling Kazza. Off in the corner, in the back of the room, you see a lone figure sitting amongst the empty chairs, his head in his hands. You skirt the dancefloor and as you near him, you can hear that he is crying. "Are you okay?"
His head snaps up and you see that it is Norman Pitlock. He is dressed in an ugly (and that is being kind) sports coat, white shirt, black pants, nasty yellow glasses and a blue baseball cap that reads 'Up Fearless Leader'. "No I'm not okay." He wipes his cheeks on his jacket sleeves. "Nobody loves me. Once all the other guys got picked, the rest of the women actually left rather than dance with me."
"That's not true Norm." You sit next to the blubbering psychopath and hold his hand. "You have fans."
"I do?"
"Yep, enough of them that they can't even agree on whether to be called Pitlasses or Pitlockians."
"Really? Then why am I all alone?"
"Well, you're not alone, I'm here. And truthfully, it's not so much you as this outfit."
"What's wrong with the outfit?"
"First, this jacket. I mean, come on Herb Tarleck wouldn't even wear this thing." Norm slips the jacket off and lets it fall to the floor. "That's better. And those glasses, uh-uh. They tint your gorgeous eyes a very ugly color." He pulls them off his face and drops them to the ground, crushing them under his bootheel. "Good. Now the hat."
"But I like the hat."
"The hat would be okay with jeans or something but not with that outfit."
"If I change what I'm wearing, can I keep the hat?"
"I guess so."
"Be right back." Norm disappears into the men's room and you look to the broken glasses on the ground and step on the remaining large bits so they cannot be salvaged. "Can I keep the hat now?"
You look up and see Norman wearing his hat. Just his hat. "It works for me." He smiles like he's just blown somebody up, grabs your hand and pulls you into the coatroom...
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| The character of Norman Pitlock and the movie Royce are © Paramount Home Video and Showtime Networks, Inc.. No infringement is intended and no profits are being made. |